I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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