the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
