I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
