just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
