the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize