I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I pour the whiskey from now on
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
