I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
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Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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