Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
