Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
