I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
