Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My room smells like vodka and shame
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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