You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's blow job season.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
