You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
