I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
