My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
