I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
