i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
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An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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