My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
