I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
