Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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