Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
