I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
birth control should be required to get into college
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
