is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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