we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So. Much. Porn.
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