She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
