You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
