I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
