Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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