you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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