Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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