i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
