oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
