she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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