Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
