I feel great
I just peed on a car
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
