Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
