If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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