this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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