Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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