Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize