how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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