Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
