dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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