After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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