My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
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Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Watching her eat just hurts me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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