This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
