Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize