Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
