I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
