i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
