I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
