I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
