DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
