i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
