i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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