My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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