I wish I could punch you in the face.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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