I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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