she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
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Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.