Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head