i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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