I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.