I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?