I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
