we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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