did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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