sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You're like the curious george of whores
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
