I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
