I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
