I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
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My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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