I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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