Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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